In grade school I had some good friendships, although none of my friends seemed to like each other. I tended to do things one on one with each of them. I always thought having a group of friends would be fun, it just didn’t happen.
Then came high school. Most of my grade school friends went to a different high school, so I was starting over.
On the first day of classes a few of us girls had problems with our schedules. We sat together while the administrators worked it out and got to talking. We became friends. A few others joined us and suddenly I belonged to a group. It was fantastic, just as I thought it would be.
But about a year later, the unofficial leader of the group decided I got on her nerves. The rest of the group decided the same thing.
Nearly instantly I was out. Sadness followed shock as my world collapsed. Here I was, starting over again.
But honestly, it turned out to be a terrific thing. Long story short I was able to reacquaint myself with some of my grade school friends (plus a dear few others) and they are still in my life today. It’s because of them that I discovered my love of theatre and desire to work backstage, which changed my life completely.
I forgave those who tossed me out, even to the point of wishing them well in their lives. I learned that if I held on to that pain it would interfere with my peace, love, and life, and I had no intention of allowing anyone that kind of control over me. Forgiveness freed me from the pain of their betrayal. I moved on and have continued to form good friendships throughout adulthood.
But some wounds aren’t healed by forgiveness alone.
Decades later I spent the day shopping with a new friend, one of those amazing people you don’t stop talking to from the moment you get together until the moment you HAVE to go.
Somewhere in the conversation that day I absentmindedly said that I was better taken in small doses, good for a while but not too much all at once. We parted ways and I didn’t think anything more about it.
A few days later she called me. She was bothered by my comment. She said she didn’t know why I thought that, but she disagreed.
That sent me into soul searcher mode. Where HAD I gotten that idea?
I realized it was from the group’s betrayal. But while forgiveness healed the pain, it couldn’t heal the scar.
When they had said I got on their nerves, I believed them. I hadn’t questioned, I simply internalized. And I extrapolated that since I got on their nerves, I probably got on everyone’s nerves.
But that’s a lie.
Now hear me out, I KNOW I can get on peoples’ nerves. My husband and sons can testify to that. EVERYONE gets on peoples’ nerves at some point or other.
But does that mean I get on EVERYONE’S nerves? Absolutely not.
I began to see that believing this lie damaged my other friendships. If I sensed friends were losing interest I would pull away in self-protection.
I saw that rather than pulling away from a potential problem, I could press in and communicate. If there was a problem we could try to work it out. If not, so much the better.
My friend loved me enough to address the lie and speak the truth, which brought healing to the old scar.
They say the truth hurts, and they are right. But the truth also heals.
Makes me wonder what other lies I have believed.
What lies have you believed?
#bethelove #forgivenessandtruth #loverejoiceswiththetruth #truthheals
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