Emma & Ellie were nestled in the coffee house booth when Emma’s friend, Kat, walked in. “Hey, what are you up to?” Emma asked. “Just grabbing a latte after the protest,” Kat replied. Ellie furrowed her eyebrows a bit and said, “The political protest on the square?” “Yep,” Kat answered. “We’ve got to care for and support this part of society.” “Helping people is the way to go,” Emma said, then noticed something on Kat’s arm. “New tat?” Kat smiled and showed off the skull with a knife through the eye socket on her lower arm. “It is! What do you think? I like it but my parents say it’s a little gruesome.” Ellie raised one eyebrow, silently agreeing with Kat’s parents. Emma chuckled and shook her head. “It’s definitely you, and you know I love you.” Kat chuckled and leaned over to Ellie. “I’m trying to talk her into getting one, something harmless like a bunny.” She winked at Emma and checked the time on her phone. “Okay, gotta run. I’ll see you next week. Love you, too, and it was good to meet you, Ellie.” “Same here,” Ellie replied, trying to not sound sarcastic. Kat walked to the counter to order. Ellie leaned forward in the booth. “Who was that?” “She’s my old roommate’s sister,” Emma replied. “We always got along better than the roommate and I did. She’s fun and interesting.” Ellie shook her head. “But you guys are complete opposites from each other in politics, lifestyle, and religion.” “Yeah, but those are details.” Ellie sat back in her seat. “Pretty big details. Do you just avoid talking about those subjects?” “No, we talk about them, but Kat isn’t just her politics or spiritual views. She is my friend and I love her for ALL the things she is. To focus on the one or two I’m not as comfortable with denies me the privilege of knowing her as a whole person.” Ellie’s eyes widened. “Doesn’t it infuriate you when she gets heated up about her politics?” “I don’t focus on how her politics differ from mine. If I did, I probably would get mad, but it wouldn’t be worth it to lose an awesome friend. We go deeper than the details. Yes, she is passionate about her politics, but that’s head stuff. I focus on her heart, no matter what direction her passion takes.” “What do you have in common if not the details?" “We didn’t think we had much in common at first, but the more we got to know each other, the more we realized we share hopes, dreams, fears, wounds. It turns out we have a lot more in common than not. That is what bonds us.” Ellie pondered this. “I guess, with you and me, we share many of the same details but also quite a few of the deeper things as well.” Emma smiled. “Absolutely. And I love you both.” #bethelove #deeperthanthedetails --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading, sharing, and commenting. If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe.
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In my early adulthood, my best friend moved away. This was long before the advent of social media--no Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook. Neither of us were phone people. We had busy lives, and we lost touch.
I’ve really never had anyone to replace her. A few years after that, I had several similar friendship losses, seemingly one on top of the other. Those only served to remind of and reinforce the pain. Sometimes it’s just the way life works. Some people, perhaps most people, are only meant to be in your life for a season. Unfortunately, knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. My heart was just beginning to process and recover when, miraculously, my best friend was back, only this time, we knew it wouldn’t be for very long. Part of me was thrilled! We had always picked up where we left off. After all, SHE was my BEST FRIEND. But the larger part of me was cautious. I knew it was temporary. I knew she would leave again. We could have had lunches and squeezed in some time here and there, but…I chose not to engage. I couldn’t bear the thought of getting close only to relive the agony. By the time I decided it was worth the risk and was brave enough to try again, she was gone, just like that. I had missed my opportunity. Fear had felt truer than Love, so I listened to it. I trusted my past more than our potential future. Worst of all, I listened to my wounded heart without even considering my friend’s. I felt stupid. Sad. Cowardly. I was furious at myself. I’ve heard the phrase “choose your hard.” Either choice you make is going to be hard. It’s hard to get the degree. It’s also hard to not be able to provide for your family. It’s hard to resist temptation. It’s also hard to face the consequences. Which hard is easier, or better, for you? In this situation, it wasn’t choose my hard as much as choose my heartache. It was the difference between digging my chest out with a dull knife or a sharp spoon. I could have chosen to build on our love and friendship, even knowing she would be gone again. Instead, I chose the heartache of regret by trying to protect myself. I never took the time to see past my own pain and into her heart. It never occurred to me that it was hard for her to leave, and hard to come back. She had enjoyed our years together, too. I can only imagine that my lack of engagement made her feel rejected, abandoned, unloved. And now I have another hard choice. I can continue to let a wonderful friendship slip away, or I can connect and apologize and try to rebuild. You know, reading that now, it’s not such a hard choice after all. Hard choices lead to hard-aches, but I will risk that over listening to my hard head again. #bethelove #chooseyourheartache #loveanyway ____________________________________________________________________ Thank you for reading, sharing, and commenting. If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. I’ve always been envious of storytellers. There is a difference between being a writer and a storyteller. I can write a blogpost or speech, even a how-to. You want practical examples? I’m your woman. Action in a storyline? Not so much. There is also a difference between writing to be read, and writing to be watched. In a novel you can have characters sit around talking. In a visual medium, like TV, YouTube, or a movie, that puts an audience to sleep. “Show, don’t tell.” I’ve heard that phrase hundreds of times. Let’s say you have a character who is afraid of heights but has to climb a ladder… ***DISCLAIMER! I sent my original example to storyteller Lewis D. Chaney. He completely rewrote it. After comparing the two, I am using his version, because…well…if you read the original you would understand, but now you won’t have to. You’re welcome. *** Storyteller Version: If I write “he was afraid of heights”, you shrug and go, okay. That’s writing but to SHOW you the story, instead I write “he put his hands on the ladder, looked up and drew a sharp breath. The ladder seemed to extend to the clouds. His foot found the first step and he slowly began to climb. Half way up, shaking, he paused and looked down. His trembling, sweaty hands clutched the sides of the ladder and he began to hyperventilate”. You FELT that one, the same way a movie would show you that. Much better. Thank you, Lewis! And now, back to your regularly scheduled blog post: Show, don’t tell. Love is also show, don’t tell. I can tell you I love you. I can even gaze longingly at you from across the room. But isn’t it more meaningful if I show you? We can say we love the world and the people in it but unless our actions show it, our words are a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If we say we love mankind but value some better than others based on skin color, political affiliation, clothing, where they live, anything other than the fact that they are a fellow human being, is that love? If we treat our fellow man with violence, verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation, and condescension, is that love? If we say any human being is “nothing but,” (gay, liberal, conservative, addict, poser, troll) then we treat them accordingly. Is that love? This is what love looks like: patient, kind, content, deprecating, humble, honoring, seeking to put others first, placating, forgiving, truthful, protecting, trusting, hopeful, hanging in there no matter what. This too: Love...has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like. --Augustine of Hippo Love. It’s not just Show and Tell, it’s more Show than Tell. (credit to LDC for the last line, too) #bethelove #showlove ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading, sharing, and commenting. If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. I promise not to share your address or info. Before you read this you have to watch the video.
It’s only 28 seconds. Go on. I’ll wait…. *Whistles a happy little Foo Fighters tune* You’re back? Great! Here’s what you saw: Dave Grohl. Drummer for Nirvana. Founder of the Foo Fighters. Nicest guy in Rock. Not God. Except maybe in this video. Here is an important and influential rock star and his crew, hard at work creating a masterpiece that millions of people will hear. Concentrating. In the groove. His little daughter, who clearly has the run of the place (hello, she IS his daughter) interrupts. Big time. The hard work stops. Concentration is shattered, not only for him but the whole team. What could be so important that she could not wait for the session to be over? Was she bleeding or otherwise traumatized? Had he won yet another award? Was the president calling? Nope. She reminds him that he said they were going to go swimming. Hardly life or death, and certainly not worthy of interrupting the artist at work. What? You don’t see God in there? I do. Check out Dave’s reaction. Does he scowl? Give a stern correction? Offer a teachable moment about respecting other peoples’ time? Not even a little. His beloved child has come to him and he is delighted. The smile. The look in his eyes. The playfulness. Everything stops and he doesn’t even care. I’ll bet that, had he not been holding a guitar, he would have drawn her up and set her on his lap. What about her? She doesn’t sneak into the room. She doesn’t gingerly approach her dad, afraid he might be angry with the interruption. She pokes him in the back, even grabs his face, looking into his eyes. She knows she is welcomed, valued, and delighted in. She enters the room confidently, boldly. And that is exactly how God wants us to approach Him. Let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16 NLT He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Zephaniah 3:17b NLT The one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders. Deuteronomy 33:12 NIV Just as with Dave and his daughter, Father God delights in you, loves you, calms you, sings over you, holds you. He wants to hear all you have to say, smiling as you grab His face and look Him in the eyes. Wait. God smiles? He's playful? He even...dare I say...snuggles? Did you see Dave’s eyes and smile? Father God looks at you with the same expression. Even with a guitar in His hands. #Heisnotwhatyouthink #davegrohl #Godlovesyou “We’ve decided to join the Props Crew,” she said.
I was a high school sophomore. If I also joined the Props Crew, I wouldn’t have to walk home from school by myself, would get to spend time with my friends AND there would likely be cute boys. I was sold. That one decision changed my life. Props Crew (which we spelled Crue, after the group Motley Crue) was part of the Oak Park-River Forest High School Theatre Department and, according to the school’s website, it’s still going strong today. I met all kinds of new people and got to use cool things like glow tape and glue guns. The first production I worked on was the musical “Guys and Dolls.” As a new member of the crew I was assigned a couple of smaller tasks, one of which was to move a trash can during a scene change. During one tech week rehearsal, I somehow managed to not get that trash can moved. Erika, one of the dancers, very kindly took me aside and explained that if I didn’t move that trash can, it would be in the way of her entrance, which was what started the scene. The show literally could not go on if I did not do my job (I have since learned otherwise, but that’s another story). That was a huge lightbulb moment. By working backstage I could, for the first time in my life, contribute to something that lived and breathed, affected people and was a different experience each performance. I was welcomed and accepted. I had a purpose. We all need to be valued and loved for who we are. We were made to be in relationships—all kinds of relationships. We NEED others who support and encourage us. People are not optional, but integral. We also need purpose and not just to the betterment of ourselves, but for others. We need to participate in a story larger than our own. We need to be the piece that finishes the puzzle, the thread in the tapestry that allows the rest of the threads to be woven in around it, after it, because of it. Living in small, egocentric stories, leads to loneliness. Loneliness kills. Purpose saves. Belonging saves. Being loved and loving other people save. YOUR purpose always involves other people. Constantin Stanislavsky said that there are no small parts in theatre. There are also no small parts in life. Move the trash can. #bethelove #lovesaves ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading, commenting, and sharing! If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. I promise not to share your address or info. .My coffee was getting cold and the waiter was giving me furtive glances. Where was my new friend? It was our first lunch together and we were supposed to meet 20 minutes ago.
I checked my texts again. Nothing. Maybe she’s stuck in traffic. But she could still text me. Maybe she’s talking on the phone and can’t text. I looked out at the parking lot again. Maybe she’s been in an accident. I furrowed my eyebrow. Maybe she forgot. But we confirmed yesterday…. Maybe she didn’t really want to come! I could feel my breath quicken. I even felt a little burning in my chest. That’s it! She stood me up and is too chicken to call me! Well, fine! I’m not going to play games like this! If I’m not important enough to let me know she doesn’t want to see me then why am I even here?! And then…she blew in. The seating hostess pointed in my direction and she hurried over. I was surprised to see her hair and makeup were disheveled. “Hey! What happened?” I asked. “I’ve spent 20 minutes looking for my phone! I never did find it!” she said. During the next 10 minutes I heard about the past 40, with her apologizing profusely several times. The more I listened, the worse I felt. I had gathered my “evidence,” put her on trial, and convicted her all before I laid eyes on her. There hadn’t been anything in our, albeit, short history to indicate she would stand me up, yet I had had followed my own baseless thoughts clear through to the worst possible conclusion. I also now had heartburn, a slight headache, and higher blood pressure. It would have been better to have given her the benefit of the doubt. According to dictionary.cambridge.org,, to give the benefit of the doubt is “to decide that you will believe someone, even though you are not sure that what the person is saying is true.” Another word: Trust. Like Love always trusts. (1 Corinthians 13:7) Rather than let my emotions run my mind, it would have been better to step back, look at the situation objectively, and trust that her heart toward me was good. Skepticism is fine, if there is a previous history. But can we not at least begin any interaction by assuming truth and goodwill? If we’re unsure, choose to trust. After all, it’s highly unlikely that the person who cut you off in traffic actually meant to harm you. It is quite likely the clerk was in a bad mood before you got there. Even your boss’s motives probably aren’t all bad toward you. Choosing to trust, giving the benefit of the doubt, empowers the other person to rise into trustworthiness. Choosing mistrust encourages denigration and deceit. Any time we empower another person, THAT’S LOVE. My friend did eventually find her phone, and I found a new perspective on love. I even gave the waiter the benefit of the doubt about my cold coffee. #bethelove #givethebenefitofthedoubt ____________________________________________________________________ Thank you for reading, commenting, and sharing! If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. I promise not to share your address or info. If I had to use only one word to describe the prevailing attitude in America today, it would be grouchy.
When I’m in pain, or frustrated, or worried, I tend to be grouchy. I’m thinking a lot of our communal grouchiness is the result of those same feelings, though on a much larger scale. It’s okay to be grouchy sometimes, but it’s looking like an epidemic. We can’t take away the pain, frustration, or worry, but restoring a little bit of faith in humanity will go a long way toward curing the Grouchies. How can we turn those frowns upside down? We can love our neighbors as ourselves (AKA Leviticus 19:18 and Mark 12:31), or as it’s better known, The Golden Rule. You may have heard The Golden Rule to be He Who Has the Gold Makes the Rules, or even Do to Others Before They Do to You. To refresh our collective memories, the Golden Rule is Do to Others as You Would Have Others Do to You. The reverse applies as well--Do Not Do to Others as You Would Have Others Not Do to You. What does that look like? If you want someone to smile at you, smile at them. If you don’t want the door slammed in your face, don’t slam it in theirs. If you want someone to respect your person, property, and point of view, then respect theirs. If you don’t want someone stealing your stuff, don’t steal theirs. Embracing and living this one rule alone could solve a world of problems. I think you get the picture, but if that doesn’t work for you, we’ll up the ante. What’s the quickest and surest way to make Mama Bear grouchy? Mess with her cubs. I mean, hurt me all you want, but don’t you dare lay a finger on my kids. In Golden Rule speak, that would be do to others as you would have others do to YOUR CHILD, and don’t do to others as you would not have others do to YOUR CHILD. In other words, don’t do anything you wouldn’t want someone to do to your child, but by all means, feel free to do all of the things you would. Be kind. Be patient. Encourage. Support. Teach. Let love be your guide. Then there’s this angle: If people loved their neighbors there would be a distinct decline in theft, assault and battery, even murder and human trafficking (both with sellers and buyers). The news media, one major source of our collective grouchiness, would be out of fear-mongering stories. That alone is worth it to me. Hmmmm. I take back what I said earlier about not being able to take away the pain, frustration, or worry. If we lived The Golden Rule, it would be entirely possible for the prevailing attitude in America to become love. #bethelove #thegoldenrulerules In my last post I shared that you can love people and change the world with something that costs you nothing – a smile. It’s a great place to start. Let’s take that next step and do something we learned as children but, over the years, have simply forgotten. I’m talking about Please and Thank You. How is saying these three little words showing love? Please and Thank You are not simply social niceties. Please and Thank You are words that bookend interactions with love. Please lets the person you are interacting with know they have a choice in how they treat you, that you are aware of that fact. They could be kind to you or they could not, and you are asking them to be kind. Thank You acknowledges that you noticed their effort and you are grateful. Please and Thank You empower the other person. You are acknowledging their ability to make or break your connection. You are choosing to honor them and their potential effect on you in this situation. In the wider area of society in general, Please and Thank You could go a long way toward correcting entitlement attitudes. Imagine you are in a grocery store and the cashier asks if you’d like your milk in a sack. “Yes, please,” you reply. In a subtle way the cashier knows that if they do put your milk in a sack they will be helping you out. Adding Please makes them much more willing to help you than if you’d simply said “Yes” which can sound more like a demand. People respond better when given a choice rather than a command. On a slightly selfish note, you may not care one dime about the cashier’s well-being, but you do care about your own. If you treat someone with respect they are more likely to treat you with respect. Simply adding these three words to your interaction can benefit you greatly. Please and Thank You are words of love because they focus on the other person’s actions and not our own, and any time we put another’s needs ahead of our own, THAT’S Love. #bethelove #pleaseandthankyou Be the Love you wish to see in the world. Great idea. Noble concept. But HOW? I wondered that, too. I thought it would be best to start with the easiest and simplest way. How can we be love with the fewest dollars, smallest amount of time, and least amount of energy? I pondered. I puzzled. The lightbulb lit. I smiled and chuckled. It was as plain as the smile on my face. A smile. The simplest, easiest, and most effective way to love. To smile at someone, you have to see them. You have to look at another human being. When two pairs of eyes meet, there is a connection. If that connection produces a smile, it’s a positive connection. Positive connection is powerful. Positive connection elevates moods for both parties. You’re happy to see them. They’re happy that you’re happy to see them. A smile says it all. Simply by fixing your eyes on someone and moving a few muscles in your face, your smile, your love, changed their world, and yours. It took a few seconds out of your day. It cost zero dollars. It required almost no energy. Easy peasy. Every act of love changes the world. A smile can be an act of love. Every smile can change the world. Sure, it may be miniscule, but so is a grain of sand. You think it's not powerful? Get one in your eye. Or thousands. Or millions. Imagine it. What if we smiled at everyone we saw…FOR AN ENTIRE DAY? Really, what if? Go there with me. Wouldn’t it be incredibly difficult to have a bad day if everyone you saw smiled at you? Wouldn’t it be incredibly difficult to have a bad day if you smiled at everyone you saw? AND what if we smiled at each other on MONDAY, the universally-acknowledged worst day of the week? What then? Oooo! What if we smiled at everyone EVERY Monday? What then, I ask you, WHAT THEN??? I can’t even. Wanna try it with me? Monday’s coming… Be love. Spread it with smiles. #bethelove #lovewithasmileeverymonday “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Do you hear that phrase as often as I do? We all believe change is needed but no one agrees on which things, much less how best to do it. Demands for change inhabit every area of life, from macro issues like business, education, and politics (oy vey the politics) to micro issues like snowflake children, helicopter parents, even which way toilet paper should roll. Hatred, fear, and arrogance blanket the majority of interactions in social and other media. Exchange of ideas becomes exchange of insults. It’s open season on anyone with a differing opinion. Be the Change You Wish to See has become Make Them Be the Change I Wish to See. Being the Change is simply not working. It can’t. Change involves modifying behavior, performing a different action to obtain a different result. We define Who or What is the problem, and How, When, and Where to change. But unless we go deeper--to the Why--then the Who, What, Where, When, and How are pointless. When change gets messy and complicated and you become tired and discouraged, the Why will keep you going. Not all Whys can create positive change. Negative Whys include Fear, Envy, Hatred, Arrogance, Greed. Adding negatives cannot equal a positive (thank you, sixth grade math class). Negative Whys cannot create positive change. Compassion is a positive Why. So are Peace, Trust, Kindness, Loyalty. If you want positive change, start with those. Better yet, there is one Why that is even deeper and more powerful than any other, positive or negative. Love. Love is patient, kind, content, humble, respectful, generous, gentle, forgiving. (Paul the Apostle, para.) Love is the greatest thing. (also Paul, para.) Think about what kinds of change Love will produce. That is change I wish to see. If we move in Love, Change will follow. There is no other possibility. Don’t Be the Change. Be the Love. (In my next posts I’ll begin to share How, and Who) #bethelove #dontbethechangebethelove |
Applying nature's principles and systems to personal and cultural development.About CommentsI love to read comments and know how my work is helping you. Please respond with your first AND last names. Anonymous comments will not be read and may be deleted.
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