For reasons I cannot and will not go into, it’s been a REALLY crappy couple of weeks.
My heart aches on many levels, for many reasons, and many people (If you think you know why, believe me, you don't, and that's okay). This horrendous weather is NOT helping AT ALL. I’ve been trying to write a blog post that sounded perfect in my head this morning BC (Before Coffee) but 7 hours and 1764 words later Just. Is. Not. Coming. Together. And I can’t fight anymore. My heart needs some TLC, and I have no idea where or how to get it. Please DON’T ask me about it, or even give me that little “oh, poor dear” puppy dog face. Please DO say a prayer for the ladies I’m speaking to this Sunday night, that they may receive Grace, and have some for me, for whatever ends up coming out of my mouth. Please do pray for my poor family who puts up with me, and send up a little prayer for me. as well Please do give me a long hug if you see me. And please come back next week when, with a little Grace and a lot of help, I’ll have something worth sharing with you. Thank you for being here. Love, Debbie
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My gut was telling me but my head wasn’t quite sure. Finally something they said flipped the switch, and I knew what I had to do. I unfriended, blocked, and under my breath wished them well in the sham of a life they were living, bless their hearts.
I’m getting better at recognizing false friends, also known as manipulators, users, those with ulterior motives. It hurts when someone you believed was your friend really wasn’t. And of course it drags up memories of other friendships that have been lost or didn’t work out, for whatever reason. I’m not too bad about setting boundaries while in a friendship, it’s afterward that I need to work on--the rehashing, the what ifs, the wondering what I did wrong, the whole nine. A large part of my purpose is to love the people God puts in front of me. Sometimes He isn’t the one who brings them, but I don’t usually know that until later. And while the wounds begin to heal into scars I remind myself of two things:
I remember hearing about a woman who had been left blind after an attack. Later she was asked if she resented the person who did this to her. “No,” she said. “He had one night of my life. He will never have another minute.” I have decided that bad things, dicey situations, and awful people will come into my life, but the effects of their behavior will be momentary at best. No one gets to control my mind, heart, and future but God and me. It’s not always easy to do, but I have a little thing that helps. It’s called forgiveness. It frees me from their control. Forgiveness is not saying that what they did is okay or that it didn’t hurt. It’s not a wall I put up to block future pain, or a force field that deflects it. It’s more of a sponge. Forgiveness absorbs the pain, the betrayal, the questions. Then I take it to God and ask Him to rinse it with His love. And when the pain is rinsed away and wrung out--sometimes quickly, sometimes over time--it makes room for healing, and freedom. Which makes for a whole lot better future than continuing to “bless their hearts” under my breath. #bethelove #forgiveness #fakefriends ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading, sharing, and commenting. If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. I need to warn you, we use a lot of ’blue language’ on set.”
I shrugged. “I won’t judge you for using it if you won’t judge me for not.” The director smiled. Thus was the acknowledgment of mutual respect and freedom that launched me into the world of independent film. For my Christian friends, I feel I must clarify, this was a “secular” independent film. There are Christian films being made in the area, that’s just not the plot God dropped me in. It’s been a fun, life-giving, mind-expanding few years, and I’ve loved every minute. It’s put me in touch with a wide variety of fun, interesting, intelligent, passionate, hard-working, gifted people…the majority of which do not share my faith. It’s a fine line to walk and one that, sadly, I’ve had far too little practice in and haven’t always done well. My guiding principle has been that I’m here to love the people God puts in front of me, and let God do the rest. Have I loved these new friends well? Could I love better? And most importantly, are they seeing Jesus in me or just seeing me? Which got me to wondering, if Jesus worked on a small, independent film, how would He love people? What would He do? And what would He not do? Here’s my storyboard: He would arrive early. He would do what he was asked to do, without complaining or arguing or even so much as an eye-roll. He would smile and laugh. A lot. And they wouldn’t be patronizing smirks, but would reach clear into his eyes. He would be sure everyone else got lunch before he did. He might even bring lunch to a few who couldn’t get a break to eat. He would go out of his way to help anyone who needed it, even looking for ways to help. He would make a meaningful connection, however brief, with each person he came across. Most would then want to have him over for a fish fry (he might even bring two fish or some bread…). He would answer any religious questions he was asked in a gentle, honest way. He would not spark religious debate by turning every conversation into a religious one out of nowhere. He would not cower, but when yelled at, ignored, dismissed, even abused, he would continue to work hard, forgive, and move on. And I’m pretty sure “blue language” wouldn’t bother him one little bit. #loveinaction #heisnotwhatyouthink #bethelove --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading, sharing, and commenting. If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. Years ago, my mother-in-law was at the homecoming parade when she heard a very faint mewing. She looked around and saw a tiny orange and white striped kitten. It was scrawny and dirty, with half of its whiskers singed off and eyes that were clouded and messy. Being a great lover of animals, especially cats, she adopted this one, took her to the vet then home for food, a warm bed and toys. She wound up simply calling her Little Cat.
Once she was healed and growing, Little Cat discovered she liked to climb up jeans and scamper about. She provided snuggles, laughter, and the occasional scratch or two. While it helped that Little Cat was stinking cute, it wasn’t her cuteness that determined her worth in my mother-in-law’s eyes (although it certainly didn’t hurt). Little Cat was worthy of love, healing, and life simply because she was a living creature. I know that not everyone is Animal People, but there is no reason we can’t all be People People. Yes, people can be messy, mean, malcontents. We can be insecure, inept, insufficient, and inefficient. We can be rough and rude, thoughtless, heartless, soulless. Broken and wounded, lashing out beyond reason or imagination. But even with our myriad of flaws, faults, and failures, we are still…human. In our very most basic state we are worthy of love. Of purpose. Of dignity and respect. Of a chance, a second chance, a millionth chance. Some would have us believe we are nothing more than matter and energy, cells and chemicals, and therefore worth very little. I disagree. We reason and learn. We love. We breathe. We ARE. And that’s enough. So remember, the next person you see on the street, that you don’t necessarily have to give them a home, but a little love and respect can go a long way—singed whiskers and all. #bethelove #goodsamaritan ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading, sharing, and commenting. If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. In my early adulthood, my best friend moved away. This was long before the advent of social media--no Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook. Neither of us were phone people. We had busy lives, and we lost touch.
I’ve really never had anyone to replace her. A few years after that, I had several similar friendship losses, seemingly one on top of the other. Those only served to remind of and reinforce the pain. Sometimes it’s just the way life works. Some people, perhaps most people, are only meant to be in your life for a season. Unfortunately, knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. My heart was just beginning to process and recover when, miraculously, my best friend was back, only this time, we knew it wouldn’t be for very long. Part of me was thrilled! We had always picked up where we left off. After all, SHE was my BEST FRIEND. But the larger part of me was cautious. I knew it was temporary. I knew she would leave again. We could have had lunches and squeezed in some time here and there, but…I chose not to engage. I couldn’t bear the thought of getting close only to relive the agony. By the time I decided it was worth the risk and was brave enough to try again, she was gone, just like that. I had missed my opportunity. Fear had felt truer than Love, so I listened to it. I trusted my past more than our potential future. Worst of all, I listened to my wounded heart without even considering my friend’s. I felt stupid. Sad. Cowardly. I was furious at myself. I’ve heard the phrase “choose your hard.” Either choice you make is going to be hard. It’s hard to get the degree. It’s also hard to not be able to provide for your family. It’s hard to resist temptation. It’s also hard to face the consequences. Which hard is easier, or better, for you? In this situation, it wasn’t choose my hard as much as choose my heartache. It was the difference between digging my chest out with a dull knife or a sharp spoon. I could have chosen to build on our love and friendship, even knowing she would be gone again. Instead, I chose the heartache of regret by trying to protect myself. I never took the time to see past my own pain and into her heart. It never occurred to me that it was hard for her to leave, and hard to come back. She had enjoyed our years together, too. I can only imagine that my lack of engagement made her feel rejected, abandoned, unloved. And now I have another hard choice. I can continue to let a wonderful friendship slip away, or I can connect and apologize and try to rebuild. You know, reading that now, it’s not such a hard choice after all. Hard choices lead to hard-aches, but I will risk that over listening to my hard head again. #bethelove #chooseyourheartache #loveanyway ____________________________________________________________________ Thank you for reading, sharing, and commenting. If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. I’ve always been envious of storytellers. There is a difference between being a writer and a storyteller. I can write a blogpost or speech, even a how-to. You want practical examples? I’m your woman. Action in a storyline? Not so much. There is also a difference between writing to be read, and writing to be watched. In a novel you can have characters sit around talking. In a visual medium, like TV, YouTube, or a movie, that puts an audience to sleep. “Show, don’t tell.” I’ve heard that phrase hundreds of times. Let’s say you have a character who is afraid of heights but has to climb a ladder… ***DISCLAIMER! I sent my original example to storyteller Lewis D. Chaney. He completely rewrote it. After comparing the two, I am using his version, because…well…if you read the original you would understand, but now you won’t have to. You’re welcome. *** Storyteller Version: If I write “he was afraid of heights”, you shrug and go, okay. That’s writing but to SHOW you the story, instead I write “he put his hands on the ladder, looked up and drew a sharp breath. The ladder seemed to extend to the clouds. His foot found the first step and he slowly began to climb. Half way up, shaking, he paused and looked down. His trembling, sweaty hands clutched the sides of the ladder and he began to hyperventilate”. You FELT that one, the same way a movie would show you that. Much better. Thank you, Lewis! And now, back to your regularly scheduled blog post: Show, don’t tell. Love is also show, don’t tell. I can tell you I love you. I can even gaze longingly at you from across the room. But isn’t it more meaningful if I show you? We can say we love the world and the people in it but unless our actions show it, our words are a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If we say we love mankind but value some better than others based on skin color, political affiliation, clothing, where they live, anything other than the fact that they are a fellow human being, is that love? If we treat our fellow man with violence, verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation, and condescension, is that love? If we say any human being is “nothing but,” (gay, liberal, conservative, addict, poser, troll) then we treat them accordingly. Is that love? This is what love looks like: patient, kind, content, deprecating, humble, honoring, seeking to put others first, placating, forgiving, truthful, protecting, trusting, hopeful, hanging in there no matter what. This too: Love...has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like. --Augustine of Hippo Love. It’s not just Show and Tell, it’s more Show than Tell. (credit to LDC for the last line, too) #bethelove #showlove ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading, sharing, and commenting. If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. I promise not to share your address or info. Before you read this you have to watch the video.
It’s only 28 seconds. Go on. I’ll wait…. *Whistles a happy little Foo Fighters tune* You’re back? Great! Here’s what you saw: Dave Grohl. Drummer for Nirvana. Founder of the Foo Fighters. Nicest guy in Rock. Not God. Except maybe in this video. Here is an important and influential rock star and his crew, hard at work creating a masterpiece that millions of people will hear. Concentrating. In the groove. His little daughter, who clearly has the run of the place (hello, she IS his daughter) interrupts. Big time. The hard work stops. Concentration is shattered, not only for him but the whole team. What could be so important that she could not wait for the session to be over? Was she bleeding or otherwise traumatized? Had he won yet another award? Was the president calling? Nope. She reminds him that he said they were going to go swimming. Hardly life or death, and certainly not worthy of interrupting the artist at work. What? You don’t see God in there? I do. Check out Dave’s reaction. Does he scowl? Give a stern correction? Offer a teachable moment about respecting other peoples’ time? Not even a little. His beloved child has come to him and he is delighted. The smile. The look in his eyes. The playfulness. Everything stops and he doesn’t even care. I’ll bet that, had he not been holding a guitar, he would have drawn her up and set her on his lap. What about her? She doesn’t sneak into the room. She doesn’t gingerly approach her dad, afraid he might be angry with the interruption. She pokes him in the back, even grabs his face, looking into his eyes. She knows she is welcomed, valued, and delighted in. She enters the room confidently, boldly. And that is exactly how God wants us to approach Him. Let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16 NLT He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Zephaniah 3:17b NLT The one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders. Deuteronomy 33:12 NIV Just as with Dave and his daughter, Father God delights in you, loves you, calms you, sings over you, holds you. He wants to hear all you have to say, smiling as you grab His face and look Him in the eyes. Wait. God smiles? He's playful? He even...dare I say...snuggles? Did you see Dave’s eyes and smile? Father God looks at you with the same expression. Even with a guitar in His hands. #Heisnotwhatyouthink #davegrohl #Godlovesyou “We’ve decided to join the Props Crew,” she said.
I was a high school sophomore. If I also joined the Props Crew, I wouldn’t have to walk home from school by myself, would get to spend time with my friends AND there would likely be cute boys. I was sold. That one decision changed my life. Props Crew (which we spelled Crue, after the group Motley Crue) was part of the Oak Park-River Forest High School Theatre Department and, according to the school’s website, it’s still going strong today. I met all kinds of new people and got to use cool things like glow tape and glue guns. The first production I worked on was the musical “Guys and Dolls.” As a new member of the crew I was assigned a couple of smaller tasks, one of which was to move a trash can during a scene change. During one tech week rehearsal, I somehow managed to not get that trash can moved. Erika, one of the dancers, very kindly took me aside and explained that if I didn’t move that trash can, it would be in the way of her entrance, which was what started the scene. The show literally could not go on if I did not do my job (I have since learned otherwise, but that’s another story). That was a huge lightbulb moment. By working backstage I could, for the first time in my life, contribute to something that lived and breathed, affected people and was a different experience each performance. I was welcomed and accepted. I had a purpose. We all need to be valued and loved for who we are. We were made to be in relationships—all kinds of relationships. We NEED others who support and encourage us. People are not optional, but integral. We also need purpose and not just to the betterment of ourselves, but for others. We need to participate in a story larger than our own. We need to be the piece that finishes the puzzle, the thread in the tapestry that allows the rest of the threads to be woven in around it, after it, because of it. Living in small, egocentric stories, leads to loneliness. Loneliness kills. Purpose saves. Belonging saves. Being loved and loving other people save. YOUR purpose always involves other people. Constantin Stanislavsky said that there are no small parts in theatre. There are also no small parts in life. Move the trash can. #bethelove #lovesaves ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading, commenting, and sharing! If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. I promise not to share your address or info. .My coffee was getting cold and the waiter was giving me furtive glances. Where was my new friend? It was our first lunch together and we were supposed to meet 20 minutes ago.
I checked my texts again. Nothing. Maybe she’s stuck in traffic. But she could still text me. Maybe she’s talking on the phone and can’t text. I looked out at the parking lot again. Maybe she’s been in an accident. I furrowed my eyebrow. Maybe she forgot. But we confirmed yesterday…. Maybe she didn’t really want to come! I could feel my breath quicken. I even felt a little burning in my chest. That’s it! She stood me up and is too chicken to call me! Well, fine! I’m not going to play games like this! If I’m not important enough to let me know she doesn’t want to see me then why am I even here?! And then…she blew in. The seating hostess pointed in my direction and she hurried over. I was surprised to see her hair and makeup were disheveled. “Hey! What happened?” I asked. “I’ve spent 20 minutes looking for my phone! I never did find it!” she said. During the next 10 minutes I heard about the past 40, with her apologizing profusely several times. The more I listened, the worse I felt. I had gathered my “evidence,” put her on trial, and convicted her all before I laid eyes on her. There hadn’t been anything in our, albeit, short history to indicate she would stand me up, yet I had had followed my own baseless thoughts clear through to the worst possible conclusion. I also now had heartburn, a slight headache, and higher blood pressure. It would have been better to have given her the benefit of the doubt. According to dictionary.cambridge.org,, to give the benefit of the doubt is “to decide that you will believe someone, even though you are not sure that what the person is saying is true.” Another word: Trust. Like Love always trusts. (1 Corinthians 13:7) Rather than let my emotions run my mind, it would have been better to step back, look at the situation objectively, and trust that her heart toward me was good. Skepticism is fine, if there is a previous history. But can we not at least begin any interaction by assuming truth and goodwill? If we’re unsure, choose to trust. After all, it’s highly unlikely that the person who cut you off in traffic actually meant to harm you. It is quite likely the clerk was in a bad mood before you got there. Even your boss’s motives probably aren’t all bad toward you. Choosing to trust, giving the benefit of the doubt, empowers the other person to rise into trustworthiness. Choosing mistrust encourages denigration and deceit. Any time we empower another person, THAT’S LOVE. My friend did eventually find her phone, and I found a new perspective on love. I even gave the waiter the benefit of the doubt about my cold coffee. #bethelove #givethebenefitofthedoubt ____________________________________________________________________ Thank you for reading, commenting, and sharing! If you’d like to receive these posts and updates in your inbox, please subscribe. I promise not to share your address or info. If I had to use only one word to describe the prevailing attitude in America today, it would be grouchy.
When I’m in pain, or frustrated, or worried, I tend to be grouchy. I’m thinking a lot of our communal grouchiness is the result of those same feelings, though on a much larger scale. It’s okay to be grouchy sometimes, but it’s looking like an epidemic. We can’t take away the pain, frustration, or worry, but restoring a little bit of faith in humanity will go a long way toward curing the Grouchies. How can we turn those frowns upside down? We can love our neighbors as ourselves (AKA Leviticus 19:18 and Mark 12:31), or as it’s better known, The Golden Rule. You may have heard The Golden Rule to be He Who Has the Gold Makes the Rules, or even Do to Others Before They Do to You. To refresh our collective memories, the Golden Rule is Do to Others as You Would Have Others Do to You. The reverse applies as well--Do Not Do to Others as You Would Have Others Not Do to You. What does that look like? If you want someone to smile at you, smile at them. If you don’t want the door slammed in your face, don’t slam it in theirs. If you want someone to respect your person, property, and point of view, then respect theirs. If you don’t want someone stealing your stuff, don’t steal theirs. Embracing and living this one rule alone could solve a world of problems. I think you get the picture, but if that doesn’t work for you, we’ll up the ante. What’s the quickest and surest way to make Mama Bear grouchy? Mess with her cubs. I mean, hurt me all you want, but don’t you dare lay a finger on my kids. In Golden Rule speak, that would be do to others as you would have others do to YOUR CHILD, and don’t do to others as you would not have others do to YOUR CHILD. In other words, don’t do anything you wouldn’t want someone to do to your child, but by all means, feel free to do all of the things you would. Be kind. Be patient. Encourage. Support. Teach. Let love be your guide. Then there’s this angle: If people loved their neighbors there would be a distinct decline in theft, assault and battery, even murder and human trafficking (both with sellers and buyers). The news media, one major source of our collective grouchiness, would be out of fear-mongering stories. That alone is worth it to me. Hmmmm. I take back what I said earlier about not being able to take away the pain, frustration, or worry. If we lived The Golden Rule, it would be entirely possible for the prevailing attitude in America to become love. #bethelove #thegoldenrulerules |
Applying nature's principles and systems to personal and cultural development.About CommentsI love to read comments and know how my work is helping you. Please respond with your first AND last names. Anonymous comments will not be read and may be deleted.
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